Grieving Through The Holidays: Grieving with Hope

When my husband Scott and I lost our infant son Robert Scott, we were often told, “Don’t worry, you’ll have another baby one day.”  People didn’t understand that we had a baby.  Our baby was gone.  I was longing for him to be in my arms, in our home, and in our life.  I was wondering how I would move on without our precious child.

I think it was hard for people to see my pain.  They wanted to fix it.  They wanted me to be okay, and definitely sooner rather than later.  They wanted my brokenness to be healed.  But, they were rushing me.  Although I wouldn’t have had the words to speak about grief twenty years ago, I was learning that grief has its own timetable to provide the quiet, space, and experiences needed to eventually move forward. 

On the day I delivered our son, a most important conversation taught me that I am a mother who grieves with hope.  Late that evening, a nurse came into my hospital room.  My husband Scott was not in the room so I was alone when the nurse asked, “Are you mad at God?”  I remember that I didn’t hesitate to answer her bold and personal question.  I responded, “No, I am not mad at God.”  The nurse appeared confused.  I explained, “How could I be?  God has made Scott and me parents through our precious baby.  My husband is a father and I am a mother now.”  Even in the great depths of our pain, I could see God’s beauty in the serene face of our son.  Even in my disbelief and despair, I believed and held onto the truth that God loves, and will always love, my husband, our baby, and me. 

Through the first year of our loss, and in every following year and decade, I have seen God’s steadfast faithfulness.  He has comforted and consoled us in the many hard moments of grief and of transitioning into fully living life again.  When I think about my conversation with the nurse, I am reminded and encouraged that God provides even in the darkness and loneliness.

I share this part of my story because there’s no way I could be on a healthy grief journey today if I did not grieve in the hope given by God.  It is in this way that I rejoice in being a mother who teaches my living children of God’s love, as evidenced in how God has carried my husband and me in our loss and grief, and especially as seen and heard in the Christmas story.  It is because God sent Jesus at Christmas that I trust our son Robert Scott is in God’s safekeeping, and I can face each new day with hope.  Even when grief washes over me like a giant ocean wave, I know I will come out of it, likely even stronger than before, because I grieve with hope.

This Christmas, as you miss your loved one, I pray that you will be comforted and strengthened by acknowledging your loss, giving yourself permission to grieve, remembering your loved one, and grieving with the hope sent at Christmas. May God’s blessing be upon you at this tender time and always.